Only God Can Judge Me
by shadowed by passion
Summary: She is trying to find her way to redemption, walking a fine line. Studying and med school are her life. He is trying to find himself, far past the line. Rocking and drugs are his life. No one knows if love will heal, or love will destroy.
1. Chapter 1

This is one I have promised for what seems like years. The idea of this story came from watching a rock band sing acapella. Twas beautiful. I am working on it as I go along, so there will be no regular updates at this time. I wanted to have 5-10 chapters under my belt before posting, but I kept re-reading this, making changes and adding, and deleting. I figure by posting, I can't keep messing with it. The joy of finding yourself again can be tiresome. Enjoy!

**Only God Can Judge Me**

"Bella! Tonight, me and you, Club Amplify. There's a new band playing and I heard they will be amazing!" Alice was bouncing as she spoke.

I pushed my glasses up my nose, mildly annoyed that I was being interrupted, and looked at my best friend and roommate, Alice.

"I have to study. I can't." I turned my gaze back to my book. Ever since leaving high school, I devoted myself to my studies. Other distractions were not what I needed. Yet, Alice tended to be a constant distraction.

"Bella." My book was slammed shut on me. "You already went to college for six god damn years to get your masters. You can take a break. It's one night!"

"Alice, I don't have a masters. I have a bachelors and am about to finish with med school. That happens to take a while. It also happens to require me to be focused." I reached for my book, but Alice shoved it across the table.

"Bella, for me. The drummer is hot as fuck and, please!"

I rolled my eyes at Alice. I should have known this was about a guy. When Alice really wanted something, it was always about a guy. I hadn't dated since high school, and it was best that way. Men were not something I wanted to attract in my life. They never led to good things. Alice sadly didn't understand that part of my life since I refused to provide her with details from before we met.

"Alice."

"Bella." She batted her lashes at me. "I won't ask you for anything else ever again."

"I highly doubt that."

"Well then, if you don't come with me, I will bother you all night long and you won't be able to study and so it would all be for nothing."

She smiled at me and pulled her hands up to a praying position. I knew if I didn't agree to go, she would hold true to what she said and bother me all night. I wouldn't be able to get anything done toward my med school work, so I might as well give into her. I debated if I could really afford to give into her. I needed to pass my clinicals before fall, so I could get the residency with the medical examiner that would be opening at the local hospital. Yet, I decided to have Alice as a roommate and I knew that would impact my studies to a degree. Alice made studying difficult. She didn't quite understand the meaning of school and education. I wasn't sure how we were best friends – we were nothing alike.

Deep down, I knew why we were friends. I lived vicariously through her. She reminded me of myself at eighteen. Except we were now both twenty-four. I grew up, she did not.

"Fine, but I don't want to stay long. I have things I need to do."

"Bella, you are such a nerd. You really need to live a little."

Alice flitted down the hall to her bedroom. "Oh, and Bella, make sure you shower. You smell like dead people."

I looked down at my vintage Pepsi shirt. I pulled the collar to my nose. "I don't smell like dead people!" I yelled at her.

Alice laughed as the water in the bathroom turned on.

I flipped my middle finger toward the bathroom, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"I don't smell like dead people," I muttered to myself, picking my book back up.

Two hours later, I had gotten a bit more studying done, and Alice finally came out of her room, club ready. She had on a hot pink tank, skinny jeans and heels that make my ankles hurt just by looking at them.

"Bella! We need to leave! You aren't ready!"

I pulled my glasses off, placing them on the table and looked down at my shirt again and paint splattered jeans. "What's wrong with what I have on?"

"Bella, this is a club, not a dive bar. At least put on something clean."

"These _are_ clean. I washed them the other day."

"Bella! What am I going to do with you?" Alice walked behind me, and pulled my hair from its ponytail. "Let your hair down, maybe you would have a few guys take interest in you then."

I reached back and took my hair tie out of Alice's hands. "I don't want guys take notice to me. I'm not like you."

"Yet I don't know why." Alice stomped down the hall and turned into my room. I knew an Alice makeover was about to take place, but I also knew she wouldn't find anything suitable for me in my room. She never did.

"Bella," she yelled, "we need to take you shopping. Do you shop in the men's section or something? You have nothing that is form fitting." I mimicked her words as she said them – it was the same lecture every time we went out.

Alice came back down the hall with a pair of jeans without paint on them and an old Linkin Park shirt, the one without a hole. "At least you will look like you _like_ music this way."

I rolled my eyes and quickly changed into the 'Alice approved' clothes. I pulled on my newer pair of tennis shoes, as she sprayed me with perfume to cover up the smell of death she said I had on me, and we headed to the club.

OGCJM

The music was pumping when we got to the club. There was a line of people waiting to get in, and I couldn't help but sigh. We would wait all night to get in, miss the band and it would have been a bust of a night for both Alice and me. As I headed to the back of the line, Alice walked up to the bouncer and the next thing I knew, we were both allowed immediate entrance.

"Alice, what was that?"

"What was what?"

"Why didn't we have to wait in line?"

"Alice Brandon doesn't wait in line. Plus, I know Felix, the bouncer." She giggled.

I rolled my eyes at her. Of course she knew the bouncer.

As we walked in, the DJ was playing some crap new age pop music. I prayed the band wasn't anything like this crap, or I would have rather been at home getting nothing done than here. Club thumping music wasn't my favorite.

Alice spotted someone she knew, and with a wave was off. I attempted to call for her, but she was gone before I got a word out. I should have known she would find someone she knew and ditch me. It always tended to happen. She was a butterfly and I no longer was.

I tried to make my way to the bar, sure I would need a few drinks to make it through the evening solo, but with the amount of people in the club it was making it difficult on me.

"I heard this band was going to be the next big one," some girl said as I walked toward the bar.

"I heard the singer is beyond fuckable. I hope I can get in his pants before they make it big," her friend giggled.

"Rope him in and get knocked up." They both giggled. "What does he look like?" the first girl inquired.

"Not a clue, but that doesn't matter as long as he has a cock and money."

"Make me vomit," I muttered to myself. With a shake of my head, I did my best to ignore anyone else until I had a drink in me. This was why I hated going out with Alice. She knew everyone – I knew no one anymore. Not that I cared that I knew no one; I liked it that way. Except, she would socialize and I would be stuck sitting at the bar, milking a drink all night.

"Hey, bartender! Down here!" I yelled out. I sat down on a barstool and waved my hand out to the over muscular guy behind the bar.

"What can I get ya, pretty lady?"

"Miller light."

"Are you opening a tab?"

Someone grabbed my ass. I turned and looked, ready to punch, but the guy kept walking, looking back only to wink.

"Yeah. Keep 'em coming." I pulled my wallet out of my tiny shoulder bag and handed my credit card to the guy.

The bartender slid my beer to me and I took a drink.

"Hey, Linkin Park, you a fan?" someone yelled from behind me, right as I swallowed.

I turned, sure I was the only one in a Linkin Park shirt, and the guy behind me had his Corona bottle to his lips, ready to take a pull.

"Me?" I asked, honestly shocked that anyone paid any notice to me. I tended to stay under the radar, always, but especially when in a club full of guys looking to get laid. After all, was there really any reason to go to a club besides looking for a fuck?

"Yeah, you a fan of theirs?" I looked the guy over, he was in jeans and a hoodie, not very 'club dressed', just like me, but guys could get away with dressing down and still looking amazing. And amazing this guy did look. He had light brown hair that seemed to go everywhere. His face was covered in two day stubble, but it was clear that was how he wanted it, not because he was being a bum by not shaving.

"Yeah, I guess." I ran my fingers thought my hair, pulling it into a ponytail.

"Awesome." He took another drink of his beer.

Using that as my opportunity, I turned back on my stool, cutting off any more undesired conversation with the guy next to me. Frankly, I wasn't sure why he wanted to small talk with me, and I wasn't looking for a club fuck in the bathroom. No matter how good looking he was. If this had been a few years earlier…

I looked to the stage and a few guys were setting up for the band. I was thankful they would be on stage soon, because the beat of the club music was giving me a headache the beer wasn't going to help it go away.

"I have to go, but maybe I'll see you later," the guy said to me, touching my shoulder.

"Don't count on it," I mumbled into my bottle, as I took a drink. I pulled the rubber band back out of my hair, letting it fan around my face. Maybe it would make me invincible.

There was a tap to the mic and the pop music turned down to a level that didn't make me want to scream.

"Welcome to Club Amplify!" The whole crowed cheered like the bunch of drunken idiots they were. "I am Rex, the host for the evening and I'm here to announce the live band we have playing for us. They are a local group of four guys, on their way to making it big. Ladies, gentleman, give it up for Only God Can Judge Me!"

The house lights above the stage dimmed as the four guys set up at their equipment. There were a few beats to the drums before the lights came back on, and the most beautiful voice I had ever heard before began to sing. Coincidentally, he started singing _Somewhere I Belong_, by Linkin Park, and his voice sounded mildly familiar. My eyes focused in on the singer, straining a tad since I didn't have my glasses, and it was the guy who had been sitting next to me. He no longer wore the hoodie, but had a wife beater on, exposing his beautiful tatted arms. His jeans hung low on his hips and the top band of his boxers showed.

The girls earlier were right, he was very fuckable.

I looked at the other band members. There was a skinny guy playing the keyboard. His hair was in a short buzz cut. The drummer had hair similar to that of the singer. It was long, and all over the place. The guy on the bass guitar was built like a house with a shaved head. They were all pretty fuckable, but the singer, he was the most desirable in my mind. If I was the type of girl to date, I would be all over him in a heartbeat.

The song ended, and they started on a song I didn't know. It very possibly could've be an original of theirs. Either way, it was a beautiful song about life, love and death. Mr. Fuckable sang as he strummed the guitar that hung over his shoulder. I watched as his fingers moved on the strings. I watched his lips as he sang the words into the mic. He knew how to play music and excite a crowd with no strain. He went from one song to another and another; minor breaks between each one for the crowd to cheer. As for me, I drank and watched him like a stalker. I was completely sucked into him and my beer.

"Bella! There you are!" Alice ran into me, pulling me from starting at the beautiful man on stage. "Do you see him up here?"

"Yeah." My eyes back on the singer.

"Do you see how he works those sticks? And his hair. God, how I want to run my fingers through his hair as I cum. He would be amazing to fuck."

"What?" Alice talking about fucking someone pulled me out of my thoughts of the singer. I prayed she wasn't talking about him that she wanted to fuck. I forgot which band member she found hot. I really should pay more attention to her when she talks about guys.

"Were you not paying any attention to me?"

I tapped my hand on the bar to get the bartenders attention. He slid a new beer my way. "I was paying attention. You were talking about fucking, uh, someone."

"Yeah, the drummer, Jasper."

A wave of relief washed over me that we were not after the same guy. I knew if it was me and her pining after the same man, I would lose for sure. Not that I would even attempt to go after him anyways.

"So, do you know the whole band, or just Jasper?"

"I don't even know Jasper. But I want to know him. Badly."

The band stopped playing, making Alice and me end our conversation.

"It's been lovely playing for you all tonight. This will be our last song. It is for you, girl." He winked and looked around the club, searching. All the girls in the club cheered. You would have thought it was the sixties and the Beatles were on stage.

He swung his guitar back so it was behind him. His hands took hold on the mic and he slowly began to sing.

It was a soft, gentle song, unlike some of the others they had played. The keyboard player was light on the music, as was the guitarist. Jasper, the guy Alice had the hots for was intently listening to the music before him. His drum sticks put away.

The lyrics had feeling behind them. About loss. About not wanting to lose who he wanted. About what he would do if given one more chance to have her.

His hair draped around his face, although shorter than mine, it reminded me of myself, when I was trying to hide from the world around me.

Desire and love radiated through the words he sang. I knew he had to have someone special he sang the words to. If someone sang a song of such emotion to me, I would have a hard time denying them.

For now, I lived in the moment, knowing it would soon pass. I watched him sing and imagined the words were being sung to me.

It never hurt to imagine.

* * *

><p><em>Leave love...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

So, I'm back. Another chapter. I refused to let myself pick this apart. If I had, it may not have been posted ever. Working to find yourself again is a long road. A lot of stress mixed with indecisiveness and the loss of self worth makes this a difficult process.

I'm sure none of that up there matters - I could have said more, but I am sure I said too is no beta, just a team of wonderful ladies that I hold near and dear to me that give me suggestions on what I write. They all didn't have the time to get back to me yet(seeing as I emailed them the chapter maybe 2 hours ago), so all errors are my own.

Nonetheless, enjoy.

**Only God Can Judge Me**

As the band made their way off stage, I closed my tab with the bartender. I didn't realize I had drunk as much as I had. Guess I did tell him to keep them coming, and he wanted to make sure I drank as much as possible.

Alice went to the side of the stage, waiting for Jasper to come off. She was about to find her way in the back of a dingy van if I didn't stop her. I stumbled my way over to the stage. I hadn't felt the effects of the alcohol until the music stopped. Twelve beers in my belly in under ninety minutes may not have been that good of an idea. Sadly, I couldn't recall what I ate for dinner, if I even did eat. I had been too involved in studying.

"Lice, let's go," I stuttered as my knees hit the stage.

"Bella, give me a minute."

"Don't have time for that. Let's go."

I turned and plopped my ass on the stage, regretting this entire evening. This was the type of shit that got me in trouble. I stayed away from these types of situations since leaving high school.

I knew if I stayed here much longer, I would end up back in the same type of trouble I used to always get in. I knew the feeling I was feeling. I knew this was going to end badly.

"Told you I would see you again," the singer said, jumping off the stage.

"Yup, that you did." I tried to look up at him, but the room swayed a bit at the head movement. I did manage to see he had a few tats I hadn't seen before when he was on stage, and damn were they amazing.

"You feeling okay, LP?"

"Yup. Lice, let's go." Shit how I wanted a nap. I hadn't drunk that much in years. I now knew better. Or at least I thought I did.

I placed my elbows on my knees and leaned my head into my hands. I needed to go home. Now.

EPOV

"Guys, why are we playing here?" I asked, mildly annoyed. We had just arrived at the venue and it was a freaking pop club. We were a rock band. What the shit!

"Because they're a paying gig, and right now, we are broke as fuck," Carlisle replied. He was the level headed one. The one that made sure we didn't get too fucked up before we got our name out there. He was also our keyboard player, and a damn good one at that.

"Do you really think these people want to listen to anything we have to play?" Emmett asked. "Paying or not, we will probably bore the hell out of the people in here."

"Not our problem," Jasper said. "At least they are letting us drink on the house."

"True that," the other three of us said in unison.

I pulled a cigarette out of my pack and placed it to my lips. I flicked my lighter and stared at the flame for a moment before lighting the smoke. I took a few puffs and looked around the crowd. This really was not our normal type of gig. We stuck to small venues that were cheap where we could sell tickets. This gig, we were getting paid up front for playing, no matter how many people showed up at the club.

That was good; I needed money.

As my eyes looked around the club, they landed on a brunette not dressed like the other club goers. She looked like someone we would see at one of our shows. Donned in a Linkin Park tee and a pair of jeans, she didn't fit in with the rest of the people here. Something about her pulled my attention in, and completely distracted me. Maybe she was here for us.

The guys were all drinking, and I told them I was going to socialize for a few. As they all told me it was a bad idea, I walked out from the back room, needing to meet this girl.

I carried my Corona, wondering if I should actually drink it before going on stage. More or less, I carried it for appearance's sake. I hated being messed up on any level before going on stage. My eyes followed the girl as she tried to get to the bar, struggling along the way.

Thankfully, the stool next to where she sat was open, so I took it as mine. Hoping she was a fan and would recognize me, I tried to engage her. I tried to talk to her. I tried to get to know her, because I had to. Yet, at each attempt, she rejected me. She clearly wasn't here for the band, which made me wonder why she was here, since she looked nothing like the rest of the club goers.

As I sang on stage, I looked for her. People had crowded around the bar area, and I couldn't really see her anymore. I wanted to make sure I didn't lose her before I was able to get back to her again.

**OGCJM**

"Wakie, wakie, sunshine."

She rubbed her eyes and attempted to bury her face in the pillow.

"Go away, Lice."

"I don't know who this Lice is you speak of, but I'm Edward."

She jumped up, eyes searching around the room, looking anywhere but at me. Her hands felt her body, probably to see if she was dressed. Which she was. I wasn't a complete douche bag.

"Why are you here? What happened?"

"Well, uh, you passed out at the club. Your friend couldn't move you, so I helped. I didn't want to leave in case something was seriously wrong, so I stayed the night." I tried to look innocent. In all honesty, I wished she had woke on her own. This was mildly awkward, and I had shit to do today. I wanted to do things with her, but I knew that wouldn't happen on my current time restraint.

"What?" She moved her mouth and tongue like she had cotton mouth. Lucky for her, I thought of that. A night of drinking can be a bitch.

I handed her a glass of water and two Tylenol.

"I slept on the couch. Your friend said it was okay. But, I have to go, I only wanted to check on you before I left." I wanted her to know I had been here. If only so I could see her again.

"What, what time is it?" she asked. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

"Almost noon. I would have left you keep sleeping, but like I said, wanted to check on you before I left."

"It's noon?"

"Almost."

"And it is Thursday?"

"Last time I checked."

"Fuck!" she screamed. She placed her hands to her head. "I, I have to go."

She hopped out of bed, stumbling a bit, as she searched her room. The whole time she ran in circles, she was muttering to herself about being late, and being fucking stupid, and how she was going to kill Lice.

She pulled a beany on her head, covering her severe case of bed head, and ran out of the room, pulling her Chucks on as she ran.

"Lice, you bitch. If you're here, you fucking owe me," she screamed, before I heard a door slam. I plopped myself onto her bed wondering what exactly just happened. And why, I as a stranger to her was left here alone. Granted, I had been here alone with the sleeping beauty for hours. This technically was no different.

Remembering that I really had somewhere I needed to be other than a girl's bed alone, I hopped up and looked for a pad of paper and a pen. I didn't have her name and I wanted to have a way to see her again. Yeah, I knew where she lived and I could always stop by again, but I didn't want to be a stalker. And I didn't want to look desperate. Edward Masen was not a desperate man.

In the corner of her room sat a desk, covered in school books. Most were biology and anatomy books. She clearly was a smart girl, smarter than most I had ever been interested in before. I flipped through a notebook, amazed at the work she had inside of it. Worried for a moment this would look like an invasion of privacy if someone walked in, I flipped to the end of the book and was able to find a blank page. I tore it out and wrote my name and number on it. On the bottom, I wrote 'call me'.

I tapped the pen against my lips, unsure if I should write anything more. Seeing as she was the drunk chick that passed out at a bar, she probably wouldn't call. Who wanted to relive that type of nightmare? I know I wouldn't, but she was hot and had a nice body from what I could tell. She was sure to be fun in the sack. Plus, she knew anatomy. I was sure she knew all the right parts to make sex amazing.

I threw the note to her bed, writing nothing more, before grabbing my things. I took a look around her room and the living room one more time. These girls clearly had better things to do than be to be band groupies. They were amazingly well off compared to me and any of my friends. Pictures of the roommate lined some of the shelves. She seemed to always have a drink in her hand, but at the same time, there were some bigger names on her arm. She was one of those people who knew people, which was clear off her array of photos. I wondered for a moment if she lived off that – her friend base and nothing more. She definitely had better connections than I did.

I had to search a bit before I came across pictures of my sleeping beauty. School functions and day life were all I saw of her. By peeking into her personal life, it was clear my assumption of her last night had been correct – she was not a typical club goer.

With one last glance, I closed the door, leaving her apartment.

Once outside, I pulled my hoodie over my head and my pack of smokes from my pocket. I lit the cigarette and started the walk back to my car. Since I didn't live in the building, I had to park down the block. The joys of the city.

Driving back to my dingy ass apartment, my phone rang.

"Sup, Jazz?" I was sure he was going to give me shit for being late to rehearsal.

"Dude, that chick last night. She slid out before I got her info. Please tell me you got the hook up off her drunk friend."

"Sorry, dude. I didn't get shit. The one I was after, I hung out all night in hopes she would wake and find me suave and shit, but she bolted out of her house, leaving me there without a care."

"Shit. Maybe I am better off. They both could be crazy bitches."

"Yeah, maybe." I doubted it. "Be there in a bit."

"Peace, dude."

I pulled up to my apartment, but before I got out of my car, I saw the landlord at my door.

_Shit, it was the sixth! Rent was officially late._

I smashed the palms of my hands into my eyes. Guess I wasn't going home until later.

I pulled another smoke out of my pack and lit it as I drove away.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay here. I have been insanely busy with the holiday and then family issues. I am working on chapter four as we speak, and until today, I hadn't any time available to sit and write, or even get this posted. Hope you all enjoy.

**Only God Can Judge Me**

"Swan, you're late." I attempted to slide into the group of other med students for rounds unseen. I rushed as fast as I could. Truly I did. I was only fifteen minutes late. I didn't want last night's activities to impact my day. I brushed my hair on the drive and changed into my scrubs in the locker room in record time. I may have even walked out of the said locker room with my pants half on. I was determined.

On my way to rounds, I popped some vitamin C and chugged a coffee from the break room – a sure way to cure any remnants of my hangover. It always worked back in the day.

Yet no matter how hard I tried to put yesterday night behind me, I failed. Big time.

"Yes, I know. I apologize. There was an emergency at home and it will never happen again. I promise."

"Better not. Now, let us use this moment of Ms. Swan's misfortune as a lesson for you all. As you may find it easy to dismiss an appointment, or start time in your life, know when it involves patients, real people who are relying on you, you cannot be late. Swan, your emergency could have meant someone died."

Doctor Riley Biers was one to be feared. It was known he hated med students. And where he hated them, he hated ones who disregarded the stethoscope even more. My act of being late was a disregard for what we were to stand for. Alice owed me her life after this. But really, I was the one that kept drinking. I was the one that got pulled into the god damn music and then woke up with the singing God in my room.

"Swan, are you paying any attention?"

"Uh."

"First you are late, then you ignore me. Are you sure you want an M.D. after your name?"

"Yes, sir. I apologize. Again."

"Now, Ms. Swan, I asked you to please provide me with your opinion on this patient. Ms. Franklin is a fifty-four year old, one hundred and eighty pound, non-smoker, post-menopausal female, with no family history to offer. She was brought in with swelling to both hands and feet and trouble breathing. She states she is on no medications and her tox screen shows the same. She has been on oxygen since arrival and nebulizer treatments every two hours. Chest x-ray is clear for any masses. Can you please provide me the next steps you would take?"

"Uh, well I would check for a possible allergic reaction, but since she has swelling to multiple extremities, I am doubtful that would pan out. May be helpful to check with the patient if she has any allergies, as this wasn't noted."

"She provided none," Dr. Biers stated.

"Then I would move for an echo. Due to age and weight, she very well could have pulmonary hypertension. With the swelling and pain, she very well may be at a later stage with the illness."

"Very good diagnosis, Ms. Swan. We actually already ran an echo for Ms. Franklin in the overnight hours, and it shows heavy strain on the right side of her heart from her lungs being over worked. For now, she will be on oxygen as well as a channel blocker. We are also keeping her for twenty-three hour observation. Nice job, Swan. Good to see all that schooling paid off."

We moved forward with the next patient, Doctor Biers changing from harassing me to giving James a hard time.

James Harrison was every nerd girls dream. He also had the look that he creamed his pants every time I have been around him. Lucky for me and unlucky for him, I wasn't a nerd girl. I was only in disguise. I was a girl trying to keep my shit straight. Something I failed miserably at last night. The thought of last night led my mind back to the messy haired boy that was in my room when I left. I wondered how good of an idea that really was. He could rob us, move in, or steal all of our underwear. Who knew? I wasn't even sure I cared. I didn't understand his motives for staying, other than hoping for a drunk fuck. But if that was the motivation, he didn't have to wake me to let me know he had been there. It was clear my passed out ass wasn't putting out. Unless I did put out.

I shook my head. He said he stayed on the couch. It was obvious I didn't put out. Plus I was still fully dressed sans shoes. He clearly cared. I just couldn't understand why.

Even though I didn't understand him, I did understand a few things; he was unbelievably attractive and he showed me attention. Yet, as nice as both of those things were, I knew it wasn't what I needed in my life. Not now. Not ever. Not if I wanted to succeed at making something of myself.

As difficult as it was, I pushed the messy haired singer out of my mind to focus on my day at the hospital. The first half I did typical med student rounds and the other half I spent in pathology. I needed and wanted the head start into the world of autopsy. If rejected from the residency, I would have to continue to work hours in the emergency room. This wasn't something I was willing to do. Not now. Not ever.

I always wanted to be in the medical field, but the thought of working with real, live people didn't do it for me. I didn't have it in me to be professional and kind and understanding to the sick and ill. I would rather be able to be myself, locked behind closed doors than be subjected to the bull shit doctors were dictated by.

"Bella, what's up? Why were you late?" Rose asked me when I got into the pathology lab.

Rose was in the same boat as me, in regards to wanting to work with dead people. The only difference between my current situation and hers, was that she already had her residency set at another hospital across town. She didn't need to come to work in pathology every day, she was set. She preferred the microscope to the stethoscope, like me.

"Ah, girl. I can't even." I pulled my glasses from my pocket, placing them on my face. Had to look the part. Contacts didn't have the same appeal when you needed to look like you belonged. "Alice took me out."

"Say nothing more." Rose knew of Alice. From me sharing bits of our nights out with her, Rose was more than knowledgeable on the ways of Alice Brandon. "Who was the guy?"

I laughed, unable to help myself, as I grabbed a slide and placed it under the electronic microscope. "Some guy in some band." My mind went back to the singer. His tats. His voice. His pull.

"You know which one?"

Of course I did. I hadn't stopped thinking about how he sang. How his fingers strummed the guitar. How his Adam's apple bobbed when he sang.

"Some local group. They were at Club Amplify last night."

"Only God Can Judge Me!" she shrieked. "I have a massive stalker crush on the bassist. He's amazing. I wanted to go last night to see them perform, but I couldn't get in. How were they?"

I shook my head. There was no way I could deal with this. Another girl with a crush on another band member. There would be no way for me to get away from thinking about him when everyone around me would be talking about his band. "They were," I paused to think.

"Amazing, right?"

"Yeah. They were amazing."

Rose went on and on about Emmett, the bassist she watched from afar. It was rather creepy how she knew all about his favorite foods, places to shop, and where his tats were. Creepy might not have even touched the surface. Granted, Rose was harmless. She was a true nerd girl. She desired to not be labeled as a 'nerd', but her thick framed, coke bottle glasses, hair that was last updated in the early nineties, and her second hand clothing begged to differ.

By the end of the day, I knew more about Emmett McCarty than I needed to know about anyone I wasn't romantically involved with. I gently pried her for any stalker information on the other band members, claiming it was for Alice, but she knew nothing about the rest of the band.

She was a single man stalker type of girl.

As much as I hated that she had no information to give me about my singer, deep down I knew it was probably for the best. As much as I wanted to know his name and his favorite food, and where else he had tats, I knew his type.

His type would only cause me trouble I didn't need.

**Til next time... **


	4. Chapter 4

I am so very sorry for the delay. I have my mind stuck on another story idea which has completely consumed me. Up side, I will have another story to post soon, and it will be complete before it is posted, so there will be no delays when posting starts. Plus... I was nasty sick since I last posted. Hope you enjoy this... We have to get these two back together, don't we?

**Only God Can Judge Me**

The plan for today was to pound out a new song. We were done performing with covers and the first song we wrote, which was about love. Since us all faced recent heartbreaks, Carlisle excluded, we couldn't help but put our emotions into our words. Our general feel from here on out was about lost love, at least for our debut album we wanted to send to a few record labels. It was easy to find a groove in the pain we were all individually facing.

Yet, as I tried to write about heartbreak and loss, I couldn't help but want to write about newfound love and romance. My mind couldn't help but drift to brown hair and deep brown eyes. There was something about her that drew me in. My hair fell out from under my pulled up hood. My fingers lightly strummed the strings on my guitar. The song which had started dark and pained was slowly turning light and fresh as I thought more and more about her.

I thought of how she was mysterious in a way. She was nothing like I had ever been attracted to before. She clearly was an intelligent woman, yet she drank enough to the point of passing out, then left me alone in her home; without a second thought.

Her roommate seemed to be the one that would be an adventurous type, due to the fact she also provided me with no information as to her name, or my sleeping beauty's, yet she let me stay in their home all night. Either these women didn't think clearly, they had too much trust in the fact I would be easily identifiable, or they didn't care about their lives.

Either way, I was happy for the lack of caring about strangers lurking, because it gave me some time to study her face as she slept. Even though I slept on the couch, I couldn't help but make my way to her room to make sure she was still breathing. Plus, the way her lips curled as she slept, and the way her nose scrunched up as she closed her eyes tighter all added beauty to her.

Although I had many women before in my bed, I had never looked at any of them as I had looked at her. I had never watched any of them sleep. Watched the way they looked when there wasn't a care or worry on their face.

Something about her was creating a want inside of me. I just wish I knew what it was I wanted. Ever since Kate broke my heart, I hadn't let myself open up to anyone else. When I went to talk with this woman at the club, I didn't intend to find more than a night of enjoyment, yet my mind wouldn't let me move past her.

"Yo, Ed," Emmett called from the corner, he was blowing out his inhalation from the joint in his hand. "What's with the love feel?"

I stopped strumming and walked over to Emmett, taking the joint from his hand and taking a drag.

"I don't know, man." I blew the smoke from my lungs. "Something about that girl." I shook my head, taking another drag.

"I didn't see her. She must be smokin'."

"She's nothing over the top. She's pretty normal I guess."

"But?"

"But, I can't get her off my fucking mind. I sat there, watching her sleep, worrying about her."

"Gimme that joint back, you're already stoned."

I rolled my eyes, taking one last drag before handing the grass back to him.

"Not stoned, my man. Maybe if I was, I wouldn't be locked on her."

"Got ya, my man. In love, huh?"

"Fuck you." I got up and walked back to where my guitar was, all while Em continued to spit shit out about me being in love.

We kept pounding out new riffs we wanted to throw together. Em and I worked our fingers, strumming away. Jasper was keeping a light rhythm going on the drums. Carlisle wasn't here, but that was pretty typical for him. He added at the end, once we were set on how we wanted the sound.

Plus Carlisle spent time finding us paying gigs. Money was always tight for us. We were single guys, Carlisle excluded, and we tended to blow our money.

After hours of working on the same piece and getting nowhere with it, Carlisle burst in, deciding to join us. He had a cigarette hanging from his lips, and Esme hanging on his hip.

"I got us something," he announced, waving a paper. "Nothing that great, but they'll drop us a couple grand."

**OGCJM**

BPOV

"Bella!" Alice sang as I answered my phone. I really wasn't in the mood for her, but I needed to bitch her out.

"Alice Mary!" I yelled, walking out of the hospital. My day was over and I was ready to crash back in my bed. Something about drinking too much and passing out didn't make the following day easy.

"It's Mary Alice. If you're going to mom me, at least get it right."

"You let that man stay in our house! What were you thinking?"

"What was _I_ thinking? At least I didn't leave him _alone_ in the place."

My heart dropped. My anger toward Alice subsided. Worry instantly bubbled up in me. "Did he rob us? I was late for rounds and I bolted. Shit!"

Alice's laughter broke through my worry. "What's so funny?"

"He didn't rob us. But he did leave you a note. I think he's smitten by my book worm." She made kissy sounds into the phone.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, doubt that." I climbed into my car, waiting for the Bluetooth to pick up. "I'm pretty sure he only wanted to get laid."

"He stayed the night. He asked to help with you. He has to be smitten. If only Jasper was as smitten."

I rolled my eyes. I was supposed to be angry with her. I wasn't supposed to be chatting with her about guys.

"It doesn't matter what he is, he's no good for me, Alice. And you are no good for me either. You caused me such trouble today."

"Sorry, Bellie. Didn't mean to."

I grunted at her and pressed the end button on my steering wheel, terminating the call with her.

By the time I got home, it was darker than normal. The impending storm that seemed to roll in while I was working in the pathology lab was about to drop a bunch of rain on us.

I ran to the front door, taking a look around me before placing my key in the lock. Something about knowing I left someone alone in my house had my mind spinning. There were so many things he could have done with us gone. Alice says he was smitten, but he could have snooped, put cameras up, set up a way to stalk us. Who knew? But now I felt like I was being watched.

Paranoia at its finest.

I opened the front door with one last glance behind me, right as the clouds let go and the rain started to fall. A flash of lightening and a clap of thunder were my greeting as I closed the front door.

"Bella," Alice called from the kitchen, "here's the note from lover boy. He left his number. I think you should call him."

Alice was a ray of excitement. A shining object in the current storm of darkness. She held the paper out between her thumb and index fingers, bouncing on her toes.

"Alice, really?" I grabbed the paper from her and slid it into my back pocket. I moved my way past Alice, into the kitchen. I grabbed a frozen dinner out of the freezer and popped it into the microwave. I didn't have it in me to cook. Frankly, I was dying to climb back into bed and sleep – for days.

"So, ya gonna call him?" Alice asked, hopping up onto the kitchen counter next to me.

I pulled my steaming dinner out of the microwave and slid it next to Alice. "Probably not."

"Why not? He's a hot piece of ass. Plus, he has to be interested. He left his number."

"He is only interested in sex, Alice. I'm shocked he even left a note." I grabbed my dinner, done with this conversation. "I'm going to eat in my room."

Once in my room, I set my processed meat dinner on my desk and looked around.

My room looked the same for the most part. My notebook was moved on my desk, but I figured that was where he got the paper from.

I plopped down at my desk chair, flipping open my medical book. Trying to make up for the night before, I got to taking notes and reading. I picked at the food I made, suddenly uninterested in eating the rubbery meat.

I took my book and made my way to my bed. I had read the same line four times before I realized I wasn't going to get far with my mind stuck on the guy I had left in my room earlier that day.

I pulled the note from my back pocket, flipping the folded paper over before unfolding it.

_Edward. _

I realized until now, I hadn't the slightest of clues to his name. Well, I was sure I realized it on some level, but not consciously.

_Call me. _

I flipped the paper over, looking at all sides. His number was there, and part of me, a deep part that I tried to ignore for years was telling me to call him. That he was what I needed. The rest of me, the part that I tried to use to direct my daily life told me it was a bad idea.

I closed my eyes and thought of his messy hair and tatted body. I was sure he had more; ones hidden under the shirt and pants he donned on stage. My mind thought to his face, the caring look he gave me with his eyes this morning as he checked on me. His concern, confusion, and shock all ran through my mind. Each expression was different.

A knock on the front door caused me to open my eyes and pull myself from the thoughts of a man I needed to stay away from. I folded the note back up. Not able to part with it completely, I placed it in the middle of my book, in a chapter I knew I wouldn't need for a long time, if ever.

I hopped from my bed, making it to the door of my room, as Rose came in the front door.

"Rose?" Shock and confusion were shared between Alice and me. Rose never just dropped by.

"Bella, Alice, I have news. Awesome news!"

"Oh?" Alice and I said at the same time.

Rose came in, setting her umbrella down next to the front door. "So, remember how I was telling you all about Emmett?"

"Emmett?" Alice asked.

"Yes. Emmett. He's the extremely sexy, rugged, bassist for Only God Can Judge Me. Well, I found out they were going to be at a meet and greet for Q103 and I got us tickets!" Rose held out three tickets, handing one to Alice and the other to me.

Alice started bouncing on her feet. I didn't know how to attempt to decline.

"How did you get these?" I asked.

"Won them. I told you how I know everything about him, well I was able to get some inside information that they would be at this meet and greet, even though the station hasn't released the information. I'm so excited!"

I had never seen Rose so excited before; for anything but maybe a slide of tuberculosis infected blood.

"Rose, I can't go and see him again." I shook my head, holding the ticket back at her.

"Like hell we can't!" Alice snipped. "We are going. You are going. It will do you some good to get out there again."

"Yeah, like last night did me good?" I glared at Alice, unamused that she wasn't taking my side. I understood her want to see Jasper, but shit, I couldn't allow myself to get lost in Edward. I wouldn't allow it. I was so close to finally pushing past everything I had ever done wrong in my life. I couldn't allow one guy to bring me back to the danger zone. Back into the place I used to be in.

"When is it?" I asked, sounding extremely unexcited.

"Next week! We need to prepare! I can't believe I'm going to meet him." Rose sank into me, moments before she passed out.

**See you all soon...**


	5. Chapter 5

Please forgive for the delay. I was stuck writing this story while I had the other story(Baker's Dozen - check it out) in my head. But, that baby is out and Rockerward and Docella have my attention again. I do have a few things floating in my mind, but I hope I can keep them on the back burner until I am finished here. Enjoy...

**OGCJM**

I threw a glass of cold water on Rose, trying to bring her back. Her blonde hair was matted to her face and her glasses were spotted with water.

"As cool as she is to get these tickets, she really needs to work on not passing out. Not the way to impress a guy," Alice said, rolling her eyes.

"And now you see why I don't want to go."

"I highly doubt Rose's inability to function under excitement has anything to do with _you_ not wanting to go." Alice shot me a look that told me she knew I was full of shit.

Rose batted her lashes, finally opening her eyes. "What happened?" She looked around the room, confusion showing on her face.

"You fainted at the thought of meeting Emmett. Might want to work on that before next week," Alice stated. She was trying not to laugh.

"Oh shit, did I really faint?" She patted her head, pulling the damp hair matted to her head out so she could look at it.

"Naw, I knocked you out," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

Rose glared at me, grabbing hold of her glasses and wiping them off on her shirt.

Rose stood back up, wobbling a bit. She looked at herself in the mirror hanging on the wall. She appraised her reflection, looking at her face closely. She turned and looked at me, slowly eyeing me up and down. I was still in the clothes I wore to the club the night before. I had changed out of my scrubs at the hospital. Rose then turned and looked at Alice. She was ready for bed in a comfy pair of sweats, but Alice was always the vision of perfection. She was what I used to be. What I strive to not be.

Rose then looked down at herself, taking in the clothes she was wearing, as she pulled at her shirt.

"I don't think I can meet these guys," Rose whispered. "Do you see me? Compared to the both of you, I'm not worthy of being in their presence."

Alice moved from her perch on the end of the couch. She walked over to Rose, a smile on her face.

"Now, Rose," Alice walked around her, "Bella always declines when I make such a suggestion, but I have a feeling you might be willing to accept this."

I chucked.

Alice glared at me, looking back at Rose. "If you would be willing, I would be willing to give you a makeover. We could get you all dolled up to meet Emmett."

"Really!" Rose shrieked.

"Of course." Alice took Rose's arm, leading her to the kitchen table. She sat her in a chair and walked around her, tapping at her chin.

I sat on the table, watching them, happy I never agreed to being made over by Alice. Not that I needed an Alice makeover. I knew how to dress to impress, I opted not to.

By the time Alice was done with Rose, they had a timeline set up; hair, nails, make up and a shopping trip for a new wardrobe.

God I was glad I never agreed to that.

**OGCJM**

The week flew by and no matter how much I didn't want to go, there I was standing between Rose and Alice waiting to get into the venue.

Q103 had a yearly event where they would headline a local band with potential. It was a sure fire way to get the band recognized by people outside of the community they were known in. Being part of this event as the main attraction was bound to get Only God Can Judge Me recognition.

"Is this top too tight?" Rose asked.

Alice shook her head. I did my best to ignore the question. Truth was, the top was too tight, the skirt was too short and the whole get up didn't scream 'Rose: Nerd Girl' one bit. It was rather disheartening to see her changed so drastically.

"I really wish you would have let me give you a makeover, too." Alice looked at me, a slight amount of distaste coming off her.

"First of all, no thank you. If I have to be here, I want to be comfortable. And second, they've all seen me before. Don't think it will matter what I have on at this point."

"Still, you might have competition now."

"Alice, I don't want him. I've told you this. Edward is not what I need in my life. Not now, not ever."

Alice huffed and if I wanted to stoop to that level, I would have huffed as well. God, this was so frustrating. In another time, another place, Edward would be exactly what I would want. Had it been years earlier, I would have attacked him as soon as he talked to me in the bar last week.

But I was no longer in that place. I was no longer that person. I couldn't allow myself to be that person.

We slowly moved our way through the line to get inside.

Once inside, the sound of all of the people was intense. It was a full blown concert. The stage was empty still, but the hype of the audience was extreme. There was a buzz in the air that was unmistakable to that of excitement. Clearly, Only God Can Judge Me had made a name for themselves.

At that moment, I prayed we would be able to hide in the crowd and I wouldn't be actually put face to face with Edward or any of his band mates.

"So, where are we sitting?" I asked, bouncing back and forth on my feet. I was nervous. I was never nervous, but something about being here, feeling exposed was getting to me.

"We're in the second row! We will be so damn close we will be able to see the sweat dripping down their faces." Rose's excitement was about to bubble out of her.

"Really?" The realization that we probably couldn't slide out unseen wasn't put past me. And now it was too late to run and hide.

"Yes! Isn't this amazing?" Rose screeched. Alice's excitement mirrored that of Rose's. I think they mistook my nauseating facial expression for that of excitement, because they didn't slow down.

Dragging me down the aisle to the front, they both giggled and talked about what they couldn't wait to do with the guys if given the opportunity.

I closed my eyes, trusting my friends to lead me in the right direction and not into anyone. With how much they were both wanting to meet the band up close and personal, I knew there would be no way for me to side out once this was done. Maybe I could suggest I'd pull the car up.

Alice dragged me to the second row, dropping me two seats in. It was easy to see right where we were to sit. It was reserved. VIP.

"Rose, I didn't expect…" My words trailed off.

"What? The awesome seats and all this! Well, the tickets were won, remember? They only gave away like ten tickets for the first and second row." She cocked her head to the side. Her hair hardly moved with all the product in it. "You didn't think _everyone_ here was part of the meet and greet, did you?"

"Uh, well, I guess I really didn't know."

"Oh, Bella, if all of these people got to meet the band, they would be here forever." Alice giggled, plopping down in the chair and pulling her phone out. She was getting ready to take pictures, or video, or something equally weird.

I dropped myself into the chair, praying the seat next to me stayed vacant. Maybe I could lay down and get away unseen.

I tugged my hair out of the bun it was in, letting my brown locks cascade around my face. If all else failed, I could stay hidden behind my wall of hair.

Zoning out from all the noise and excitement around me, I couldn't help but think I was completely over analyzing all of this. Edward got to me. He got to me in a way no one had in a long time, but who was to say I got to him the same way. He was in a band. About to make it big and be famous. I was sure I was only a drunk chick from a bar to him. A week had passed. I was sure he had long forgotten me and had moved on.

Movement to my left caught my eye. A beautiful red head dropped down in the seat next to me. So much for laying and hiding. I looked at the woman through the wall of hair that was surrounding me. She was beautiful. Her red locks were short and spiky. She had a few visible tattoos peeking out from under her black tee shirt. She was oddly dressed more like me than my friends. She looked comfortable in this situation, not paying any notice to all of the people around her. She also didn't have the feeling of being hopped up from the energy in the room.

There was a tap to the mic on the stage and the room slowly grew quieter. People still laughed and carried on conversations, but for the most part, people were turning their direction to the stage.

"Are we all excited?" the guy at the mic asked.

The roar of the room caused me to cringe a bit.

"Well, I am DJ Black with Q103 and I'm happy you were all able to make it out tonight! I have the honor of introducing the act for this evening. They are a local band of four guys. They spotlighted some of their talent around town the last few months and I've had the privilege on many occasions to see them perform. Let me tell you, they will rock your night! Now, enough of me and let's get these guys out here! Please join with me as I welcome Only God Can Judge Me to the stage!"

The crowd whistled, cheered and clapped. My friends were yelling words of praise and love as the four men took the stage. The woman to my left looked less than interested. Seeing as I was sure she either willingly won the ticket or paid a decent amount for the ticket, it seemed a tad odd.

"You not excited to see the guys play?" she asked me, leaning in.

I guess she took notice that I didn't stand to show my excitement either. In fact, I didn't even acknowledge that the band was taking the stage. But neither did she. She was too focused on me.

"Uh, it's not that. This just isn't really my scene. What about you? You don't seem to be bouncing around either."

She chuckled a silent laugh. "I've heard it all before. I'm only here for moral support."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I'm fucking one of the band members. I'm Esme." She placed her hand to her chest, letting me know she was talking about herself.

In the background, I noticed the band had started to play. The silky, smooth voice that was Edward started to fill the space around me.

"I'm, uh, Bella."

"Nice to meet you."

Esme turned her face to the stage, looking at the guys while picking at her cuticles.

I looked to the stage. Edward was a sight I wish I could take back seeing. He was perfection wrapped up in a bad boy. A bad boy I knew would lead me down a narrow line bordering on destruction.

I let my eyes wander over his body. His hair was fanned over his forehead, cloaking him in his own world. His lips moved in sync with his fingers as he sang and strummed his guitar. He wore only a pair of faded, beat up jeans. They hung low on his hips, the elastic of his underwear poking out. I then looked to his exposed chest. He left arm was covered in a sleeve tattoo. At his shoulder, the tattoo went over his left peck and stopped just short of his nipple.

On the other arm, a tattoo I could hardly see from how he was working the guitar looked to be writing of some sort.

I moved my hair from my face, trying to see what it said, but still not able to.

"What ya' looking at, Bella? See something you like?"

When I looked to Esme, she winked at me. I sucked in a breath, realizing that she had told me she was with one of the guys in the band. Who's to say she wasn't with Edward? Was I scoping out her guy right in front of her?"

"Just, uh, just trying to see what the singer's tat says. The one on his right arm."

"Oh, Edward? It says only god can judge me. Of course. He's how they got the name for the band."

"Is he the one?" I couldn't help but ask. Curiosity was getting the best of me.

"The one I'm fucking? Naw. The keyboard player, Carlisle. That's my man." She looked to the stage, locking eyes with him before blowing a kiss.

"Got ya."

"Why? You interested in Eddy? I could set ya up, although I think he has his eye out for someone."

"Ah." I tried to be noncommittal. It was best for me that he was interested in someone that wasn't me. It would help to keep me away.

"Yeah, some girl he saw at a show or something. He's been hooked on her ever since they met. These are rockers. With how he's acting you would think he was a love struck teenager."

I looked back at Edward, not seeing how he could ever be love struck. Or even stuck on a girl like Esme was describing. He didn't seem the type, not that I knew much about him.

"Yeah, it's actually rather funny," she said after a few moments, breaking me from my lust induced stare.

"Huh?" I asked her, not really remembering what she had been talking about. Edward had my complete attention.

"The girl Eddy boy has the hots for. It's funny. He doesn't even know her name, but he's smitten. All the guys say he's fallen in love. He hasn't stopped with the love sick puppy songs this whole week. Driving all the guys crazy."

The song ended and the whole room cheered. Even Esme hopped up and screamed, giving the guys her complete support.

I tried to not allow myself to think about what Esme said. Surely Edward had met someone else since me. Right? There was no way he was love struck on me. The girl who was passed out drunk while he kept watch from the bedside.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi all - thinking the ever 2 weeks or so will be the update schedule, at least until I can get ahead of myself. I hate to have the delays in posting, but life has been insane. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. See ya next time.

**OGCJM**

My body felt clammy. I felt like I was suffocating. It seemed as if the room was closing in on me. Everyone was looking at me, knowing I was the girl. _That girl._ The truth would break out and everything I tried to keep well hidden would be released to everyone.

Alice nudged me, pulling me back to the current. Edward was still on stage, hopefully ignorant to my attendance at this concert. I needed to get out of there. If I thought I needed to leave when I was under the impression, in my mind, he had forgotten about me, then now, with the fact he remembered who I was, I definitely needed to run, far and fast.

"They're amazing. God, the way Jasper looks when he's deep in the music." Alice looked like she was about to drool, or pass out, or spread her legs for him.

Alice and Rose were both waving their hands, jumping and dancing with the music.

I sunk lower in my chair, desiring to not bring attention to myself, like I was sure Rose and Alice were.

Esme shrunk down next to me. "You don't look so well."

"I'm not feeling so well either." I looked at her with a sour expression. I needed air. Air that wasn't full of sweat and alcohol.

I wondered if either of my friends would notice if I snuck my way back outside.

As I sat there debating the best way to exit without anyone noticing, the music stopped.

Edward panted into the mic, trying to catch his breath. "The energy in here's amazing. This might be our best show to date. I want to thank you all for coming out and for Q103 for hosting this. This will be the closing song for the night. Where it doesn't have the same vibe as the rest of the music this evening, it's a song close to my heart. This will be the debut for it. Here's hoping I don't fuck it up. Thanks for coming out."

The cheers took over as Edward walked off stage for a moment. I thought to the music they had been playing all night, but not remembering much of it. The sound was beautiful, but the sound was Edward. His voice. His lips. His fingers on the guitar. He was all I remembered. Not what his voice said, or the words that came from his mouth, but the feel of the butterflies in my stomach that was created by his voice.

Edward pulled a stool onto the stage, taking a seat. His muscles contracted with each one of his movements. I was pretty sure he had more defined abs than I had ever seen before. He lowered the mic and situated himself on the seat, his pants riding lower on his hips.

"We've always tried to end our shows with something lighter. Something that pulls it all together. We hope you'll enjoy this."

While Edward was getting the stool, Emmett changed out his bass guitar for some other type of stringed instrument. I wouldn't lie – I had no idea when it came to music and the instruments played.

Edward and Emmett started strumming, with a light cord played by Carlisle on the keyboard. Jasper picked up on the drums. The beat was low and light, if only there to keep them in tempo.

My eyes focused on Edward, unable to remove them as he began to sing. His tongue covered his lips in a light sheen of moisture.

"Beautiful girl, you're a stranger to me. We met once but I can't seem to find a way to get you off my mind. You're all I dream of. All I think of. All I want. The thought alone scares me, but I can't help it. No, no, no, I can't. If I could see you again, I wouldn't leave without telling you."

Edward continued to lightly strum on the guitar. Esme tapped my arm, leaning in. "He wrote this about that girl. Told you, love struck sick puppy. She's all he's talked about since the show at Amplify last weekend."

I tried to ignore her. There had to be someone else, but I knew there wasn't. I was there, he left with me. There was no way there was anyone else.

My stomach flipped. I needed to run. "This can't be happening," I mumbled, but my words were too quiet to be heard over the music.

"Brown hair, smooth skin, deep breaths while you sleep…" Edward's words faded away. Alice dropped back to her seat, poking my ribs.

"Think he's talking about you?" she whispered. Alice had a bounce in her that wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Alice was determined to get him and me together and this was adding to her joy.

"Probably not. I think I'm going to be sick. I'm going to head out. Meet you at the car?" I started to stand, but Alice pulled me down to my seat.

"Oh no you're not. Put your head between your knees, doctor. You have to face him again. He wrote a song about you. That's the sweetest shit ever."

"Alice," I whined.

"Isabella," Alice whined back, mimicking me. "You will see him and you'll face whatever it is that's holding you back. You deserve to have some fun."

I dropped my head between my knees, because truth was, I was positive I would throw up if I went through with seeing Edward. Being face to face with him again, I was sure would be a massive recipe for disaster.

I spent years and years having fun. I didn't deserve the fun Alice thought I needed to have. I deserved my solitude.

I closed my eyes and rested my head on my right knee. The venue erupted in cheers as the show was over. There was still light tapping on the drums, but the guitar had faded away, as had Edward's voice.

The crowds of people slowly filtered out as I continued to hold the nausea at bay.

"All of our VIP attendants, hang tight. The band will be back out for the meet and greet in a few." The voice of the DJ echoed off the walls of the large room.

I kept my head down, not wanting to face what I knew I would have to face. I knew, no matter what I tried to do, there would be no getting out of this. Not anymore.

I lifted my head with care. Alice and Rose were beside me, there conversation buzzing with the excitement of meeting the guys in a few minutes.

"You ready, Bella?" Alice asked.

She gave me a look, the look she always gave me when she knew I wanted to back out of something she was dying to do. It was a look I used to use often when my parents told me no.

"I don't think I have a choice." Placing my elbows on my knees, I rested my head on my hands, looking at my two friends.

"Bella, if you really don't want to see him again, we can go, it's okay," Rose said, her voice full of concern.

"Honestly, we can go," Alice voiced. I knew deep down, where Rose probably meant it, Alice didn't.

Alice was dying to get together with Jasper, just as Rose was with Emmett, but Rose was a decent person through and through. Alice was me. Her motives were always ulterior in nature.

I bounced the idea around in my head; leaving and not seeing Edward again or biting the bullet and letting myself this one last glimpse of him.

As much as I wanted to see him, touch him, memorize him, I knew I needed to go. I knew if I gave into all of what I could be, I would end up falling back into a dark, deep hole. If I let myself have a moment with him, I would never have enough moments. I would never be satisfied with one single moment with him.

"Bella, you're looking better, and just in time! I was going to head back to the guys before they come out, want to join?" Esme asked, breaking through my mini mental breakdown. "Hi, I'm Esme, the keyboard player's lover." Esme held her hand out to Alice and Rose.

"So, you know the band?" Alice said, taking Esme's hand.

"Yep and I saw Bella here eying Eddie. Was thinking she could help break him out of his current love sick funk he's been in."

Alice and Rose laughed, loudly. "Pretty sure our Bella here is why he's all love sick," Alice said, snorting from her constant laughter.

"Oh?" Esme said, her eyebrow raised as she took me in.

I tried to sink lower into my chair, but if I got any lower, I would be on the floor.

"Yeah, they met at Club Amplify last week," Alice shared.

"Oh really?" She exaggerated the words. I looked at Esme and a glimmer of amusement played on her face. "Trust me, Bella?"

"I don't trust this situation."

"Don't worry, it'll be all good." Esme grabbed my arm, helping me to my feet. "Let's go, girls."

Knowing there was no turning back, I shook my head, letting my hair drape around my face. There would be no hiding from Edward, but at least I could feel secure to some degree in this situation. Maybe it would be enough to keep me on the right side of the line in my mind.

"I don't know why you don't want to see him, even though you gave me the feel of wanting him the whole time he was on stage. Edward's a good guy. Trust me."

Esme pulled me along, Rose and Alice not far behind us.

She pushed our way through the line of people, past the security for the band and into the back. "They're with me," she called over her shoulder so Alice and Rose could follow.

Esme knocked on the closed door, waiting while Alice and Rose caught up to us.

The door yanked open, with a tad bit of anger to it. Even with my head downcast, I knew it was Edward that stood before me. His pants still hung low on his hips. The tiny patch of hair below his belly button teased me. I wanted to reach out and touch him, let the hair tickle me before leading to the prize I was sure Edward had. My eyes raked over his abdomen and hips. He had faint tats on each of his hips I hadn't seen before. They looked to be lines that ran along the curve of his bones. I was sure if I gripped his hips, my hands would mold right along with the tats.

How I wanted to touch him.

"Hey, ass face, I brought a girl for you to meet," Esme snipped at him. Her soft tone was instantly gone with him.

Edward didn't give me a second look before walking into the room. Maybe Esme was wrong; maybe I wasn't the girl he had been talking about all week.

We walked in after him, his back to us. I took the moment to look at the muscles that ran up and down his back, as well as the tattoo which covered his entire back. It was a tribal that matched the sleeve tat on his left arm. His body was a vision I would soon not forget.

"I told you, Esme, I'm not interested in random chicks anymore."

"I know, you did tell me that. After meeting, what's her name again?"

Edward huffed down, still not looking at me or Esme as he plopped into his chair. He reached into his pants and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you don't know her name. But, I'm pretty sure Bella here isn't some random, Edward." Her tone still held a bite to it, but not the same as when he opened the door.

As he raised his face to look at me, I dropped my face down. I looked at him through my lashes and even with the little bit of my face he could see, complete recognition covered his face.

"Bella you say?"

"Yeah, Bella."

Edward's tongue slightly ran over his lips and he lit his cigarette. "And what makes you think Bella here isn't a random?" His tone held far more ease than before.

I turned my head to look at Esme. I could see Rose and Alice behind us in my peripheral vision. Neither had moved past the doorway.

"Hey, I remember you," Jasper called from the corner. At that moment I wasn't sure if he was talking about me, or Alice, or both of us.

Finally giving in to the fact I was face to face with the man who had been on my mind all week, I lifted my head to look around; to completely take in what was around me.

Jasper had a glass of amber liquid in his hand as he made his way over to Alice.

Another door opened in the far corner and Carlisle walked in with Emmett.

Carlisle instantly went to Esme, pulling her from me and into his arms. Emmett dropped down next to Edward, looking at all of us.

"Who's the hottie?" Emmett asked, his eyes glossed over. He had the telltale look of being higher than a kite in his eyes. I knew I needed to get out of here.

"We haven't quite got to the pleasantries. I do know that brunette standing there in the middle of the room, looking a tad uncomfortable is Bella, but the rest, fuck if I know, fuck if I care." Edward took another drag off his cigarette, and in that moment, I wished I was what he was puffing on.


	7. Chapter 7

Here we are again...Enjoy!

**OGCJM**

Edward

Esme brought in a girl. _That girl. _The one I haven't been able to get off my mind in a week. The one I wrote a damn song about. The one that heard the song I wrote about her. The one that has made me feel again.

How she found her, I didn't know, but I knew I would owe Esme for a long time because of it.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed, because I had been too focused on the beautiful brown eyed girl staring back at me. She looked awkward, uncomfortable, unsure. She didn't look like the same confident girl who ran out on me, leaving me in her apartment alone. The only part of her that was the same was the casual attire. She was comfortable in her skin and what covered it, nothing like her friends.

Emmett was no longer next to me; where he went, I wasn't sure. My cigarette had burned out in my hand; long forgotten. Nothing would be able to hold by attention but her.

I wanted to go to her, talk to her, tell her how much I couldn't get her off my mind, but then I knew I would look like a complete tool. She already heard the song, I didn't need to add to my level of humility.

"Guys, you need to get out there. The natives are restless," Jake said from the doorway. DJ Jake Black was a cool enough dude, but right now, I wanted to junk punch him.

I had yet to find it in me to approach my nameless, now named girl, and he was cutting it short.

"Give us five?" I asked him, my eyes still on Bella.

"Make it three and you gotta deal." He winked at me when I glances his way, and I knew he understood.

I threw the burnt out butt into the ashtray and stood up, strolling over to where Bella still stood; alone in the middle of the room.

"Why didn't you call me?" As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I'd made a big mistake.

"Uh, been busy?" Her response came as a question which she silently spoke.

"I see." She looked down, back at her feet and I hated that she felt so removed around me. Her hair draped around her face, completely blocking my view of her. A view I didn't want to lose.

Without thinking, I reached out and tucked the hair that surrounded her face behind her ear. If nothing more, I would be able to see a small part of her.

Her eyes met mine for the first time since we were face to face, and I wanted nothing more than to melt for this woman. I knew nothing about her, save her name, but I knew she was someone I needed to get to know everything about.

A clearing of a throat told me my three extra minutes were up. "Will you be here when we're done?"

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. "Yeah."

"Good." I smiled at her, praying she was being honest and wouldn't run off again. Not wanting to break apart from her, but knowing I had to, was more difficult than I would have ever thought. Carlisle threw a shirt at me, pulling me from the hold Bella had on me.

Pulling the white undershirt over my head, I looked at Bella again. "Be back soon, beautiful." I reached out and touched her face with the tips of my fingers. Her soft skin felt like silk. A feeling I wanted to feel over and over.

Emmett seemed to take a liking to the blonde that came with Bella and Jasper was back on the same chick from the night I met Bella.

Esme walked past me as she departed from Carlisle's arms. "Don't let her leave. And thank you."

Esme winked, before grabbing Bella by the hand and pulling her down to the couch I had been sitting on. I looked back at her one last time, hating I had to leave her. I trusted Esme to not let her run. I had to trust she would still be there when I was done.

Three of us guys followed Jake, heading to where the crowds were waiting. Emmett was having a hard time parting from the blonde. Being out of the room, you could hear the overall excitement from the large auditorium where the fans were waiting.

I walked slower than normal, not wanting to walk in the other direction from Bella.

Emmett came running up from behind me, clapping his hand against my shoulder.

"Hot damn, those girls are smokin'! Where did Esme find them?" he asked, his loud voice echoing off the walls of the long hallway.

"Pretty sure Ed found them. That's your girl, right?" Carlisle said.

"You mean _the_ girl? The one you have been all love sick over?" Emmett asked, a tad loud yet again.

"Keep your voice down, fucker. And yeah, she's the one."

"How the fuck did you stay in her house with her all passed out drunk and shit and not fuck her? I couldn't have held back." Emmett winked and I couldn't decide if I wanted to beat the shit out of him for talking about her like that, or laugh at his stupidity.

"Like hell you would." There was a tad amount of possessiveness in my voice and I wasn't sure where it was coming from. This girl wasn't mine to be possessive over. She didn't even call me back after last week.

For all I knew she was taken and Esme was fucking with me. Esme has been known to torture me with worse. I wouldn't put it past her to be fucking with my mind.

I tried to shake off the possibilities that she's taken or here for any other reason than to be with me.

The meet and greet took longer than I would have wished. In theory, we were out there less than an hour, but when the girl you haven't been able to get off your mind for a week is down the hall, within reach but not, it's difficult to let time to move quickly.

After taking pictures, signing shirts, hats, and more bare skin that I had ever desired, I was ready for the day to be over. At least that part of it.

I ran my hands thought my hair, slightly tugging at the ends. I'm not typically nervous when girls are involved, but something about Bella made me feel off my game. Maybe because she's the first girl in a long time I didn't want to only put my dick in. Maybe because I'm scared at the fact I had already come to that conclusion and I hardly knew anything about her.

Either way, I was a nervous mess in need of something to ease me.

**Bella**

Edward asked me to stay. He asked me to still be here when he got back. Part of me, the part that never wanted to be here to begin with was screaming for me to leave. Screaming for me to run again while I had a chance. But the part of me, the part that melted at the sight of him, at him saying to stay wanted to do just that and never run again. At the fact he was upset I didn't call, at the fact he touched me and it brought butterflies to life I never knew were in me added to it.

Esme pulled me to the couch. Alice and Rose joined us, both buzzing about the respective men they had their eyes on.

"Esme, you've made this night far better than I ever imagined. How you found us, I will never know, but I'm so thankful," Rose gushed. She had a mirror out and was checking her make-up. Someone will need to send her to nerd rehab if she keeps this up.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her that being someone you're not was never a good idea, that it was bound to bite you in the ass, yet was I not doing the same. I was hiding out, posing as a nerd, as a bookworm, when really I was the complete opposite. I was a girl who had a drug problem, a drinking problem and knew how to ruin people's lives, yet no one around me was of the wiser. They all thought I was a nerdy homebody. Just because I acted to be something more respectable than what I was didn't make me any better than Rose. I had no place to judge her for trying to be what she thought Emmett would want her to be.

Esme pulled a pack of cigarettes out from her bag. She lit the end of the stick. I watched as the end glowed red; the embers glowing as she inhaled.

"Want one?" she asked, looking at me. She exhaled, the cloud of smoke surrounding us.

I looked to my friends, they both declined quickly, but I wasn't as quick to respond. Here I was, already debating on dipping my toes in the water over the line. What was one cigarette? It wasn't like I was looking to do some hard drugs.

I nodded my head lightly, grabbing the tan end from the open pack. Esme handed me her lighter. I looked to my friends, both of them were wide eyed at my decision.

I ran my thumb along the wheel before pressing the tiny button to create the flame. I watched the flame, mildly mesmerized by the instant brightness. I popped the cigarette between my lips, taking a drag in as the other end caught fire.

I released my thumb from the lighter, extinguishing the flame. I hadn't smoked a cigarette in years and I instantly felt it in my chest. I couldn't help the small cough that followed the first drag, but after that, it felt like I never stopped smoking all those years ago. I settled back in the chair, resting my head against the cushion. The rush of nicotine through my body calmed my nerves, making me forget about the nervousness I had about being here for him. For Edward.

The other three girls talked, discussing everything and anything. I continued to take cigarettes from Esme, relishing in the drug. Nothing even remotely addicting had touched my system in more than six years, alcohol excluded. I might have been enjoying the nicotine more than I should, more than was normal. But seeing as it was only nicotine and nothing nearly as hard as I used to do, I would be okay.

My head was resting against the top if the back of the couch. Cigarette was to my lips. My eyes were closed as I inhaled and exhaled the smoke. I tried my best to block out the girls around me.

They talked about the men they were interested in. I had no desire to think about the man I was interested in.

The more I thought about him, the more trouble I would be in. I knew it. He would only bring me trouble.

The chatter finally stopped and I was thankful for that fact. I brought my hand to my lips, placing the cigarette, once again, between my lips.

It was pulled from my mouth before I could completely inhale. I opened my eyes, lashes fluttering. I figured Alice was sick of me and the cancer sticks, but instead I was met, face to face with Edward. An Edward which was too close.

His hair framed his face, the light from the ceiling struggled to get around him and to me. "Hey, beautiful." He had an arm on each side of my head, resting his hands on the couch.

"It's Bella."

"Same thing, right?"

I tried not to smile, honestly I did try, but I couldn't help the smile which graced my lips at his flirting.

"Not quite."

He pulled the stolen cigarette to his lips, taking a drag. "I'm happy you stayed."

I tried to look around Edward; to see if my friends were still there, but Edward was so close, I could only see him.

"I think I am as well." I shouldn't have said that out loud.

The hand which held my cigarette was brought to my lips. I inhaled and let the nicotine course through me. As I blew out, my tongue couldn't help but lick my lips. It was probably my imagination, but I could have sworn I could taste Edward on them.

He took another puff off the cigarette before discarding it in the ashtray. His hand instantly came to my face, brushing my hair back. "This might sound pathetic, but you're all I've been able to think about since last week."

Did I want to admit to the same? Did I want to let him know I couldn't get him off my mind either? Would the verbal admittance somehow make this all more real?

"Why's that?" I opted with the safe route.

The back of his hand brushed across my face, igniting a tiny fire within me. "You're beautiful and mysterious. From the moment I saw you at the club I was pulled to you for some unknown reason. I need more of you."

"You're full of it." Words I didn't mean to say, but only think came out. This guy was insane. I was sure no matter the girl before him he would've been saying the same thing to them.

"Not at all, beautiful. My eyes are set only on you."

"Yo, Eddie, we're taking off. You two love birds joining?" Edward pulled back from me, allowing me to take in what was around us. Emmett, the same one who broke our moment, had his arm wrapped tightly around Rose. She looked completely lost in the man next to her. Alice was nowhere to be scene, nor was Jasper. Esme and Carlisle were in the corner, whispering to one another.

"Would you care to head out with me?" Edward held his hand out to me.

My mind was instantly unsure. With him pulling back, placing distance between us, I was able to think, at least a little.

It was one thing to be here, around other people. It was another to be alone with him. I wasn't sure I would be able to maintain myself if it was us together. There was something about him that made me want to throw care to the wind and hop back on the track I had worked so hard to stay off of.

Things I knew, in my right mind I shouldn't do, didn't seem so wrong with him there. I didn't know what it was about him, but there was a pull I needed to stay away from. This had to be it. I had to walk away and never look back.

My mind was at war with myself. "I don't think I should." My voice was weak. Even I didn't believe myself.

"I understand," he said, his lips pulling into a smile. He held his hand out for me and I took it, selfish enough to need one last touch.

He pulled me up with a bit of force. My body wasn't expecting the quick movement and we were suddenly flush; face to face, chest to chest.

My breath quickened. My body shook. We were touching completely. Every inch of me was pressed against every inch of him. This was more than I could handle.

My mind was fuzzy at the complete closeness to him. I no longer wanted to run from him no matter how much I knew I should.

I thought I heard him speaking. I thought I heard everyone around me speaking, but I wasn't sure. I wasn't able to completely comprehend it all. All I knew was my hand was in his and I was walking, side by side with him out of the venue.r, I also wanted time to process everything he shared with me. I knew no matter how much thought I put into this all, he wasn't someone I was willing to give up – no matter what.


End file.
